Okay, first question. 4 Mar. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. The man was open all day! He is portrayed by Jaleel White. Just blacked out for a second there! Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? Pull your gun right now. Wha? [plugs the cord into the socket]. Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them. Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! Steve pits eight guys against each other in the battle for the best pickup lines. Harriette Winslow: Is this your snowmobile? I kept quiet last week and I haven't say anything tonight. Pass the salt, Edward. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: This diary belongs to Harriette and I will not violate her privacy. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll have you know, I'm not in Italy. Wha? So they picked up all out stuff and moved us again. Rachel Crawford: Right. Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. Urkel pronouns are the best. Boyd broke my glasses. Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! THIS? How did you know? Steve Urkel: Ssssh, not while I'm pouring. Myra Monkhouse: I rearranged the chamber. Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Next Saturday. But you'll never play in this game again. Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned! [Steve comes out of the freezer at Rachel's Place shivering]. I can assure you that we Urkels are a fine, old family, with a proud name. Never snort with a hangover! What is the value of X? No. Carl: I don't have to take this, I'm going home! Carl Otis Winslow: [More excitedly] Yes, ma'am! Steve Urkel: Oh, well, no problem-o. Carl: Stefan, you gotta help me. The truth is you deserve a kiss. Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? Dad took Waldo instead of me. You know what? I wanna read it to my mom. Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Ms. Steuben: Get a hold of yourself, Steven. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Well, that's gonna stop right now! Estelle Winslow: Carl! Steve Urkel: [dropping his bowling ball and hyperventilating]. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Forget it, Steve. Eddie: Man, I don't have time to study. Doo da doo da. You see, I use verbs. Carl Otis Winslow: What did she have to say? Second question. Some of our pickup lines are real-life applicable. Laura: Remember when you tried to teach me how to sew? She lived a long and full life. Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [seeing what Laura looks like without sleep] You remind me of a movie star. Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded. They help move along our sentences. He created a machine that could cause items to grow in size. Steve Urkel: No, it's not okay! Harriette Winslow: You hit my husband again and you'll have to answer to me. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Way to go Carl! Maybe abrasive is the wrong word. No. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Make my day! He couldn't cover his head with his hat. The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . Rachel Crawford: Steve? Harriette: Well, tell him you don't remember him. Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, The real Psycho Twins would have still been in the ring wrestling, If It wasn't for Your stupid sleepy juice. [Willie is upset at Waldo as Laura shows up to the crime. You have the right to remain silent. Uh, we're, uh, playin' hide and seek! Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Harriette Winslow: Well, Eddie said something came up, but he promised he'd empty the trash tomorrow. Waldo: Life is short, and so it Gary Coleman. I'm playing Boyd double or nothing. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Can you believe that? Self respect. And, my God, look what you've done to Waldo. Mango? You know you'll never reach it, but you have to keep trying. I'm Stefan sweet thing. You can do it! You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Bazooms! Laura Lee Winslow: [Laura grabs Steve and his clone on their ears] Okay, let's take a moment and figure out what we learned here. They help move along our sentences. [Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Waldo: I got close once. Harriette Winslow: [grabbing Carl's hair] Carl [Takes her hand away, looking at it before placing it on top of his head instead]. Pick a general observation about her personality. Steve Urkel: [collecting] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. "Smile, if you want to have sex with me." 4. [Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them], [Steve has humiliated Willie at the party that he grabs a small glass of Vodka and pours it into Urkel's cup]. Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. Steve Urkel: It wasn't that play that cost you the championship. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! Steve Urkel: Really? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want. Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. Laura: Doth thou love me? Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. . Harriette Winslow: [Takes an envelope from Carl] 'Lose Weight, Feel Great at Chicago's Premiere Health Spa, Hip Whippers'. Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today. Carl Otis Winslow: Well I talked to your boy Squeeze and he won't be bothering you for a long time. Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! Mont gio sam eea!". Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: State your name. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, but only for one month. What's for dinner, milk and cookies? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you! My doctor slapped the wrong end. Colonel Dirk Urkel! Steve Urkel: [ice pack on his head from a hangover, Carl just told him a story from his drinking days] Eh he he, ow, eh he he ow, [snorts] WHOOAAOOH! I only got the date wrong on one flyer. Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. Our limo awaits. This poker game is important to you and I messed it up by inviting this windbag. Harriette: This feud between you and Nick is getting out of control. Harriette: Don't even think like that. Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. Steve Urkel: Then your nasal passages swell and your nose and throat slam shut tighter than a clam. The people that did this to us are teaching the same GARBAGE to their kids. He breaks something a beaker along the way]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo! Laura: But but, where'd you get that radioactive stuff? 430+ Dirtiest Pick Up Lines Ever - TheStallionStyle Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. Steve Urkel: Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face? Sorry. My zipper." 5. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You won't be sorry, sir. Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! Family Matters: Steve Urkel's 10 Greatest Inventions, Ranked - CBR Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Steve Urkel to Return in Fuller House Season 4? - MovieWeb Carl Otis Winslow: I'm not finished yet. Steve Urkel: Oh, nothing. Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. I had 8 shots of Espresso, a 6-pack of Jolt Cola, and a large bowl of Froot Loops with extra sugar. I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. So they picked up all our stuff and moved us. Gosh I bet that's never happened before. Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. Earlier Urkel's Funny Moments - YouTube Steve is embarrassed that he didn't walk out the door faster. Ha ha! Rachel Crawford: I'll just take your word for it. Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. Harriette: [Reading] Swiss Family Robinson! Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? Refresh my memory. Laura: For the last time, Steve. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. They just love juicy gossip. There's no justification for this behavior! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Carl Otis Winslow: How about if I convince Laura to go out on a date with you. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh honey, I hope they don't cheer too hard. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Instead of cool, it was set on Nerd. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? Needless to say she's not amused as he jumps on there]. [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [He walks towards Eddie and pulls out a folded flyer he took out of his pant pocket. Laura Lee Winslow: Tonight is the charity bachelor auction. 6. [splashes Waldo with the spiked punch]. Now, what you do on your own time is your business. Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? Why, it'll ruin my transcript! From now on, no parties and no TV. Clean up your room Edward. I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Carl Otis Winslow: Out for a walk around the block. It's just for the family Steve stop begging. "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Steve Urkel: Laura? this is when Urkel was the funniest, when he was youngest, seasons 1 & 2. No. Steve Urkel: I can't! [finds a note hanging on the door] Oh my God. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Laura Lee Winslow: If you have to ask, pass. I mean we've made contributions to this country for over 300 years, but you wouldn't know it looking at most history books, it's not fair. You have the right to have an attorney present. When the door opens Carl appears dessed up as Steve normally dresses with his glasses]. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room! You had an accident. In the current social climate that is rich with dialogue about appropriate consent between men and women, women are quite reasonably, on guard about objectification. Just you and me. He heads downstairs to confront Steve]. But you know what, I find her very attractive. The Urkel mock will think bigger in potential screw-ups for teams that have valued assets poorly in the past than for teams that have made few mistakes. Anywhere away from my Laura. Verbs are our friends. Carl: Rough. I bought a new dress and you say you can't take me? Dont you know when you make a mistake, you fess up to it. Laura Lee Winslow: Well I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. Rachel Crawford: I'm what? Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today - TheList.com You had two whole days to forget where it was. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It!