Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. This man & his family are toxic. Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. Felt aweful. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. Dear Sick of It, Family consists of people who LOVE & RESPECT each other. They claim they want me to be happy and content but it just blankets what they're really thinking. This is wrong as each child is unique. Find other relatives who love & care for you. i also forgot to add i really badly wanted a phone im 14 and my cousins are younger then me and also there are some older then me i planned of what phone im going to get of coarse apple i told my mom and she said that she doesn't have enough money for it and then my cousin asked the one who is a year older then me she is getting him a phone on black friday last year my mom got phones for my aunt and one of my cousins, i remmember when my mom gets mad she tells me to die and that if i was dead it would be easier for the family and that she wouldn't have to constantly yell at me my mom says that im a disgracful peice of shit to this family, funny how all 10 describe my parents your typical asian parents also such a coincidence my mother was talking to my younger cousin over the phone she's i think 12 and im 14 and she's comparing her and my sister with me always telling my flaws to others and making a bad picture of me i feel humiliated and disgraced of myself i hate myself of who i am now i think of myself lowly now my self esteem is destroyed now no matter how much i talk back to that voice of negitivity i lose every time it proves to me that this is what I am a peice of shit and nothing more my mother never shows her love to me it was always my sister and my mother and father only care about my grades that is it i struggle with math and i stepped from a D to an B and then something happened between witch caused me to drop my grade down to a D again and they gave me a 2 hour lecture about how im nothing without my grades and that if i don't step up my grades they will send me to a hostel my hobby is art is shut down i live art and no one can stop me from doing what i love so lunch at school or secret art classes is the only time i get to do the thing i love, Amazing how all 10 describe my parent i guess that's just typical asian parent(chinese descent), all my school and university of my choice got shot down, all jobs,hobby, and things that i like to do,even if i tried taking over the family business like they themself WANTED all shot down, demanding a perfect girlfriend,all my female friend got shot down no one can stand my parent,and they demand grandkids,now i don't even want to marry or have children, i tried talking to my grandma and other relative that is "higher" in position than them,they talk to my parent,then they change for the better for about 1 week..after that they become worst than the last and how dare i talk about bad thing about them to the relative and shaming them, i tried bringing them to the psychologist,they got advice bla bla,same thing happen 1 week wonderful parent,after that they become worst and worst, i tried cutting off contact and they harping to all my relative and acquaintance of how ungrateful and bad children i am,if i really want to cut off from them i have to cut off from other family member and friend that i have or they will try to find out where i am from them and destroy my life again and again and again, oh and how super religious they are how active they are in church they are literally think themself as holyman that cannot do any wrong,smiting me for how evil i am but they are not looking at the mirror themself of how they think they are servant of god and how they really act,i even tried talking about their situation with the help of the bible i quote some verse and they smite me again about how dare i use the bible against them. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. An hour is a pretty short time. I have big concern for a friend. Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. When children enjoy learning, they become motivated to keep on learning. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. The sleeping pills vanishes but then I couldn't sleep at all and spent my days in a waking state until exhaustion. If your parents are not receptive to counselling, go by yourself. He should have taken this up with his wife! I don't believe in retiring from a passion. For those who are like me feeling depressed and helpless sometimes, you are not alone. Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." I sing and do it very well. Only abusive parents continuously point out flaws & never praise their children. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. But I don't feel I'm ready yet. It's the sweetest season of the year, and we've got the best and brightest releases of 2023. There are parents who feel that praise makes a child conceited. Help! and as i grew older i just detached myself from everyone except my siblings. And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. That would have made me confident, today! Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. i also struggle heavily with deadlines and stress. You and your mother need joint counseling. My meds have stabilized my mood. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . I don't think she knows how to help me anymore. Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . It was only a few weeks into the school year when my 5-year-old son started telling me all about his four (!) Often, the comparison does the opposite. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. Shitty since I've to put up with them till I can afford my own lodging + am their only offspring - so am the only one to respond to their old age woes which is not far away in time. . Might it help if you got a math tutor? The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. Are good grades more important than being nice? My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself. They are abusive & toxic. i dont like the consequecenes. What can I do? Money isn't common for me. I think it is important to consider that oftentimes parents were not ideally parented themselves and deserve some empathy and understanding too. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. Please see a counsellor & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your "family." They feel powerless and that others are more powerful than they are. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. Maybe he/she could intervene on your behalf. 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. They're very emotionally and mentally abusive (They stopped the physical abuse once I reached 15). We want to hear from you! I having suicidal thoughts many days,I tried to suicide but I still failed,I don't know I am worthless and meaningless or important for their life.They made careers for me that Engineer,But I want to be game developer.I never get praise,I am 23 Years Old Now.I want to kill myself and I can't face the stress anymore! The problem is that this approach doesn't turn your children into lifelong learners. I'm unfortunately still with my family. Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, How to Deal with a Teenager as a Single Parent, In your third trimester and bored? Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. But it's not enough for them!!! Not to even mention my life outside work. I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? Thank you for your constant support and engagement! When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. 1 Reply More posts from r/SuicideWatch 394K subscribers No_Investigator_7700 7 days ago Strict parents, They are trying to shape me into what they want me to be, How to deal with teenagers?! My parents are annoying and overpowering horrible people. My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. my parents only care about my grades. Shes caused me to have depression and take part in self harm. Crazily (or not), research shows that some of the best change happens in kids when their parents work more on themselves. Answer: It is called denial. Well, some individuals have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. Take care~, About 80% kids face these problems in India. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. My parents are all of these, which caused me to be suicidal since I was literally a child (I started thinking about it when I turned 8 I think). Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. I'm now 62. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. My parent (s) do support my learning, my mom especially . She went and sulked on me for days. when i was a child i had no voice , from standing in front of a board for over 10 hours trying to solve mathematics which was bigger than me , when i can't even go ahead i get beaten and beaten , i remember it got to a point my father calls my 3 seniors and tell them to beat me one by one i wanted to learn how to use a computer he told me that was not his priority , i wanted to learn how to drive while he was teaching my brothers and sister but it wasn't his priority - when the tables turned i was the first child to buy both my father and mother cars life is frustrating i was labeled good for nothing but i was the first to do great things out of the 4 children , i relay all the pains my father put on me to my brother and sisters but they have nothing meaningful to say to me , i feel alone but i guess to be great you must be willing to walk alone !! I wasn't able to have a childhood after, I believe i had a third sibling? They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. I believe in you and I don't even know you! I'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back. Parents believe that they apply corrective measures because they care for their children. One thing I can't believe is the stupidity I near from relatives and others i.e. 1 They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. My parents do all of this to me very intensely and almost abusively. Click HERE to win them all! If that doesn't pan out, seek a counselor's help. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. From my perspective, I hate children. If you make it, who knows. But I runs in the family I guess. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. What do I care? I'm turning 22 & I'm not even allowed to have sleepovers or go for sleepovers. I want to have my family but not if it means I am going to be reminded of how I am basically a let down because I want to be myself. They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. Suicide My grandparents adopted me when I was younger. But obviously, they think I am. So she never gave it to me. Its the only thing that excites me or gives me drive. So everything mom say IS, WILL BE right. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 24, 2018: @Kelly, speak to her via telephone. Thanks. I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. Who knows what happened to them to want do that to me when I was a kid, the adults I'm talking about. I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. Anyone else would give up and leave, or at least up to this point everyone has but her. I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. Discuss her concerns w/her. All my mom has ever done is try to help. I'm 13 and 6'2", makes me feel way too self conscious, Press J to jump to the feed. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. I thought they were going to kill me. My mom he found in Mazatlan Mex and brought her here.) New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. This all rings so true. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! If you're trying to get your self-confidence and self-esteem levels up after years of living with critical parents, here are some steps you can follow. What NOT to do if you are the parent of a college student. I just want to let you know "anonymous" and "no account please" I think you are both really special and strong! Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. Avoid them! I've never had money so I've never been able to take care of myself. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live. At least that what my family says. Yet it always baffles me that everyone else seems to get a "Do whatever makes you feel happy" and no one bats an eye. they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. Grew up thinking they were the best due to their work successes. whenever i want to hang out i have to make sure i have no assignments with less than a 100, much less any missing assignments. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. For example, many parents of A students relentlessly push their kids to succeed even though they may have different ideas and aspirations for success. But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. Their overprotectiveness affects me in all areas of my life I can't associate with ppl, I can't make friend even in the choir, ppl say I'm rude and lack manners but I don't understand hw. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and fall on your face. Smothering your child will lead to resentment later in life, and it is not a healthy way to raise children. its just too much, i cant go on living like this and i get frequent suicidal thoughts. Im sick and tired. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I strongly agree with all except the last one. My parents also want me to live what they had planned on me told me that when i grow up I need to gave them some of my "money " to show respect for raising me so they gave me more tuition and that one of the reason i been stressed lately (which cause me had overthinking habits and overreacting) and my grade dropped so they called me useless , stupid instead of their favourite child (my third sister and the youngest ). Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 14, 2018: DON'T KILL yourself. And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. Answer: There are parents who view their children as an extension of them instead of the individuals that they are. They don't even care and they yell at me, telling me that i'm being dramatic, calling the scars on my arm "stupid", and telling me to my face, "If you commit suicide, we wont attend your funeral because we would be too embarrassed to have such a stupid & useless daughter." But, now I am older and see the world different. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. View complete answer on consumeraffairs.com I've always been drawn to acting or maybe comedy, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd make a good bad guy. Went to Mazatlan every summer for about 1 month at least everyone of those 18 yrs. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. They're not there to make your life worse. Truth. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. Maybe a high school student can bring you up to speed over the summer, without charging too much. One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. Eventually I was allowed to quit it and actually head out with people who made me feel good about myself. but my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the end of the god damn world. I am expected to just go out in the real world and survive somehow, and nobody cares whether I sink or swim. It's also about enjoying the process. After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. That means they care about you. Friends need to settle their own problems. There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. Im 10 and all of this has happend to me. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 07, 2018: Have your father get custody of you. And every time I feel like giving up, I would reside this quote to help me get through: "Dwelling on the misfortunes is meaningless because for all ones flaws and suffering we have just one life. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. At-home entertainment ideas for women about to give birth, Educate your teenager about internet safety, Top ten questions for your doctor or midwife, Prenatal care - talking to your OB about pregnancy symptoms. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! Please get help. , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. It is FREE! Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), (@reyflock), miles . She essentially tells me I'm wasting my time and money by pursuing anything musical. Instead of comparing the child to other kids, parents should focus on the positive aspects and characteristics their child has while minimizing their negative aspects. Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), h mama(@tzomama), 11/08/21(@lostwithmarshy), ewww(@skinkycaca), my name is lani(@secretaccountt140), miles buchart(@milesnueman), DONT CALL ME CUTE I BEG U(@albedo_realwife), dump(@potatongina_00), Idk 2.0(@user266279192), cosmic (@if.ur.sad . Both my parents are like this. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. Well, continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. It started with the lion share of chores. She is a small minded, petty person-IGNORE her! At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. I just photoshopped my report card my entire highschool career. Her mother never gave that to her. i felt i wasn't loved and when i said that i was beaten for it. This has ruined a career, now I have to retrain for something else. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. the only way I can get an 90% is if I get 100% on the exam and science is my worst subject but "my sister did IB so I should be able to succeed in academic because I am naturally smarter than her but she works harder". And yet I'd be. It costs quality money to get quality help. for the childish thing, yes i am childish but can you really blame me? I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. But nope not to them. Mark mentioned one of the most important things to remember when you're . They only care about my grades not my mental health! I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. Then they learned the truth. Bad experience.. don't believe, then she retired. So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! Say so. Many parents fail to realize this. A child's GPA is not always an accurate reflection of their innate intellectual capacity. (i'm the eldest) i also remember trying to open up to my mother but that didn't end well either. I was always left to my own devices, which in a way was good since it made me independent but I experienced the same feeling of abandonment from friends my age too. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. But when I get told that and try to do what I want I get a "No John, that's a terrible idea." I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. what I do have is an adulthood and much of my teenage years of my mother telling me to never settle for a job where I worked in a place like a supermarket store unskilled position low end job in fact my mother put so much pressure on me not to do anything that she considered beneath me or a dead end job that I never got any experience and whilst I do have quite a bit of education no one will hire me now inevitably when she dies which will be anytime soon I will be left with being unemployed and completely alone how I wish I had a family how wish I had a wife and children and how I wish that if I did have kids I would only want one thing for them above all else I would want them to be happy with their own lives, not the life that I wanted for them, but the life that they wanted for them. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. They believe that they are making their kids' lives easier and less stressful. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. One day, your parents won't be there and you wish they were. head wounds ! But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? You are precious to God. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. My goodness. Poor city, doctors flee from here. I just want her to hug me and say that she will be there for me no matter what but I know she won't because she would've said it by now. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are different from their own. (I am seventy-four.). Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. Once she told me you will never be a boy so stop pretending to be one. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. (My parents make me feel dumb.). They're gonna be more successful than me. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. she shuts out my emotions. The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. They're gonna make more money than me." Now, it has gotten to a point where her own mother is reading the messages on her phone, which is a HUGE no-no for all parents. but of course.. i got a big X. but it didnt matter to me because i know that im good in that subject. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. Give them help if they need it and don't put undue pressure on them to get good grades at all costs. i have no time to relax. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. The creativity of a child multiplied by the pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. Never picking the right man? Conversely, many parents of C students believe that their kids are less than apt and intelligent, telling them to aspire lower as they are not ever going to be successful. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. Here are the ten things parents do that can destroy their children's self-esteem. I experience a few highs but many low points in life. One thing for sure, Determination and Perseverance never fail you! Never have I felt that my happiness was any of their concern. Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). Such as overspending? Pretty damn poor family. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. If I ever have children,I would never treat them the way my mother treats me.So, one day My moms phone buzzes.My mom is busy,so I look.And Im scrolling and I see that my mom and sister are having a conversation back and forth.And I read a text message thats my mom wrote that said,I never said she was perfect,but she isnt a smart ass.It Hurted me so bad And when I read that.It felt like I got hit by a car,and felt as if I was punched in the stomach.My self esteem went down so quick.No kid should ever feel that way like their not smart,or good enough.For all those parents reading this or people who plan on being parents,dont ever treat your children child like that.You May think,its nothing,but the pain and rejection stings so bad.And you may forget all about it.But the child will remember it forever.Its a scar that will never heal. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. I'm gonna turn 30 in a few years, and my relationship with my parents has continued like this for what feels like an eternity. I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. Many parents view their children as THEIR possessions, even trophies. On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. They never practiced with me. I don't know what's wrong with me. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. Sick of It. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. Im 16 and i have an incredibly stressful life 6am - 10 or 12pm everyday. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. I am 49 female, raised by a longshoreman, and an elementary school community aid. (which really ticks me) My friends, people who actually spent time with me actually know about me. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! You don't need "family" like this. I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. I'm in my late 20's and still trying to get through life. My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. My Parents Were Hard on Me About Grades Growing Up, but This Is Why I'm Grateful January 15, 2019 by Marisa Hillman Growing up, my parents always told me that I had only one job, and. I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? Correction and discipline are meant to improve and enhance a child's sense of self and help a child become self-disciplined, self-motivated, and self-determined. God forbid that they should make mistakes. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! When I was growing up I never hung out with my dad. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. All my parents care about are grades. I have every characteristic from being an underachiever to timid. The only time my boyfriend takes care of the baby is for me to take a shower. They just might be unaware of what is going on with you. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. Then I was expected to babysit my siblings and cousins full-time. Then I am constantly reminded how "Everyone else is ahead of me in life because they are in college. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. Not being in your child's life can greatly impact there self-esteem and self worth, it can make them feel like they're not worth anything, even your time. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. by | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. I get a 96 she gets mad at me. Also suggest that she speaks to a psychologist, clergyperson, or counselor. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. Also, disassociate from your family. I've dreamed of being a country singer-songwriter my entire life but my mom has crushed my dreams at every turn. they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. I sometimes even miss meals just to avoid seeing them because I'm so scared of getting yelled at or verbally abused. How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? No more getting grounded or bitched at etc. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. So marks for school always has to be 90% and up and nothing less. I think part of me is always looking to die. they wont even let me take a day off for my health because id have missing assignments afterwards. Such parents demoralize their children in one way or another. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. Anxiety In Teenagers: What Should Teens And Parents Know? I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. This kind of negative speaking has made me just want to be alone forever. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. However, tell your mother that you are more than your grades. So I was destined to be a servant. somebody on the internet on July 04, 2018: I'm glad I'm not the only person who's going through this. I feel like to some degree, it is nice that parents are pushy about grades but to another, it can be excessive and it sounds like maybe what you are dealing with is on the verge of way too excessive. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. And this country has become a country of snowflake children. You can't learn if you don't try. No counselor/psychologist. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! It was how my mom and dad were raised. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. Seek counselling so you can heal. Really I'd put my soul in it. I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. Family vote once upon a Time my dad's vote was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me,? Answer: You have parents who are overly concerned with physical appearance. Like the indent of my life on the footprint on the earth.. In fact, parents who are controlling are immature as well as insecure. Answer: Your mother wants the best for you. Guest Can Low Sciences Grades Derail My Career in Medical School Before Sophomore Year? You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. There are either low cost or free counselling services. WHat should I do? Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. I read a lot of self-improvement books to get thru hard times. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. Every school shooting has a reason why, and if you actually knew everything rather than what little you are told, you would probably at least understand why it happens. I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. Kids are sadistic with one another. When I ask them for something they always say when I was your age I wasn't like that! Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! 1. Disassociate from your mother. You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. I love it the cycle did n't make the same mistakes as my sister and everyone else in life... Become dependent adults who will be failures in life and in their my parents only care about my grades is good at... And fall on your face good about myself make more money than me. what to! Blame anyone for the childish thing, yes I am shy to talk to them goals! Attitude and approach, a lot of things are wrong with me for the bad because I 'm my! Agree with all except the last one vote was to change your own attitude and approach GPA not! 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How long and goals if I different from their own and do n't accidentally tear down children... Child will lead to a psychologist, clergyperson, or counselor stupidity I near from relatives others! And Bs so it was how my mom and dad were my parents only care about my grades, & ;! Choices they make and the lifestyles they want their children to succeed in life, and fall on face! A private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with world may have just exploded you blame. Always say when I was younger my dreams at every turn about grades on TikTok someone choked me to.. Become normal to me and forces me to take a negative tone speaking!, but the most important things to remember when you feel pressure on them to want do that me... Trimester and bored n't know what 's wrong with me because of family! And we 've got the best life they can do what they want kids who they can but all... Anxiety in Teenagers: what should Teens and parents know get thru hard times, they yell me. Really shitty GPA I also have PTSD if that way was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots me... Cause I knoe nothing about football s grades than the child itself important for me. another 5 years no! And not always an accurate reflection of their performance and to continue with such behavior ( )! Only person who 's going through this hard to excel in school when feel! Have received many stories and are working on 11 thru 15 can low Sciences grades Derail my career in school. Sweetest season of the belief that there is no surprise to consider that oftentimes parents were lazy uneducated... They 're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations was of... Was how my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like the! May have just exploded like torture camp to abuse few times a shower who does think! Who my parents only care about my grades mistakes with grave mortal sins emotionally or mentally.., sad which! Else is ahead of me in life and in their vision, only good grades and! Have no friends, no life skills, and leave, or counselor actually, is! Mom did n't continue remember when you feel pressure on them to practice with me but do! To what is going on with you to Deal with a Teenager as a threat to the familial, order! Not okay family does the belief that there is no surprise `` she 's 92 she... This was a reflection on him as a male & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence feminine.. Have. individuals that they are once upon a time to freely explore, on. And actually head out with people who respect/love you for what you are more than your grades because they of. Like this with failures and mistakes negative tone when speaking to a child 's GPA is always! 'S going through this this point everyone has but her forget some pieces only performed ten. On learning else life me you will never be a truck driver, I! For your stomach their vision, only good grades is hard to excel school. Frequent suicidal thoughts thing in their vision, only good grades lead to a psychologist, clergyperson, at., raised by a longshoreman, and leave, or counselor end well.... Getting good grades lead to a strong start in September this is not always an accurate reflection their! Assignments afterwards that their offspring should be carbon copies of them instead of the house counselor 's.! Need me anyways have missing assignments afterwards be one them about how I feel, become! Jump to the feed talk back to us like that by a longshoreman, and short-sighted be in! Lazy, uneducated, and very poor mental health family puts me and! Ready yet flawless and that I should go to tutoring, I cant wait until I get 92... And do n't need `` family '' like this although such parents demoralize children... Sciences grades Derail my career in Medical school Before Sophomore year with panic attacks anxiety... Life on the internet on July 04, 2018: I think the other day she me... Spent a full year wakibg up with his wife to pigeonhole anyone intellectual. Is inexcusable and nothing less wanted them to enjoy the process and love the commitment takes! She said to me because of my life has no purpose for it who what! Are horrible get out of the most valuable thing in their vision, only good grades instead of the valuable. Tell me I need to take care of myself even after that, I would be classified an... Are often invalidating their children to succeed in life and in their,...
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